Thursday, January 31, 2008

I low love-fat milk!


Aku nampak penjaga kedai runcit baru kat bawah apartment aku. Satu hari tu, sewaktu aku membeli sebiji bawang putih, tiga biji bawang merah kecil, dua biji telur dan segenggam cili padi, aku berdialog dengan Anand.

Aku tanya, "You speak English or Malay?"
Dia jawab, "English can, Malay sikit-sikit"
Wahh.. kagum aku!

Anand ni orang India, berasal dari negara India. Aku lupa India di bahagian/daerah mana. Anand lebih kurang umur aku. Tak sampai setahun hijrah untuk bekerja di Malaysia dan baru dua bulan bernikah sebelum datang ke Malaysia. Isteri dia di India baru melahirkan anak lelaki. Anand belum pernah tengok anak lelaki dia.

Setelah tahu dia boleh berbahasa Inggeris...
Aku tanya, "You don't miss your wife?"
Dia jawab, "Very much! Three days, I call" (once in three days)
Aku tanya, "You don't want to find girlfriend here?"
Dia geleng kepala.
Aku cakap, "Here many you can get... Indonesia, Malay... many..."
Dia geleng kepala lagi, sambil senyum-senyum (mahu tapi malu kot?)

Lepas tu dia cakap, "I marry my wife... because low"
Aku tanya, "What?"
Dia ulang, "I marry my wife... because low"
Aku geleng-geleng kepala, sambil senyum-senyum (bukan mahu, tapi tak faham)

Dia tanya aku balik, "You speak English?"
Aku angguk-angguk, tapi tak senyum (bukan mahu, tapi aku speak English)
Dia bertegas, "Low... low..."
Sambil menguncupkan jari-jari kedua-dua belah tangan (macam buat simbol Chup!) dan melaga-lagakan kedua-dua tangan seperti gaya orang bercium.

"Hahahahahah...." aku gelak.
"LOVE!!!" aku kata kat dia.
"Yes, love..." dia sengih-sengih sambil golek-golekkan kepala dia (tak tau laa apa yang dia mahu...)

"Huh... tak habis lagi aku belajar bahasa Inggeris nih..." aku blah.



Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The best of Mak I


Timang tinggi tinggi sampai cucur atap.
Belum tumbuh gigi dah pandai baca kitab.

Tak payah timang tinggi-tinggi sangat lah.
Satu, lenguh tangan nak timang.
Dua, takut gayat budak tu. Acrophobia nanti.

Tiga, dah pandai baca kitab, dapat ijazah ke sarjana ke doktor falsafah ke...
Malam-malam kat rumah, tengok cerita Datin Diaries.
Tak puas dengan Datin Diaries, sambung pula dengan Jelatang, Spa Q... apa tah lagi aku tak tau.
Itu belum campur yang tergila-gila dengan Crayon Shin Chan, Doraemon...
Adehhhh...

Kalau setakat tengok, absorb, duduk diam-diam takpe...
Ini, datang pejabat pun cerita pasal tu.
Nak dismiss diri sendiri, nak balik awal pun beri alasan takut terlepas cerita-cerita tu...
Aduuuhhhh...

Mak aku, yang 59 tahun tu...
Dulu sekolah sampai LCE (bukan SRP, bukan PMR... LCE okay)
Tak pernah duduk dalam kuliah di universiti.
Dia pun dulu-dulu malam-malam tengok juga rancangan tv.
Tapi, dia tengok cerita Dallas, Dynasty...
Apa kelasss korang?!

Caya laaa mak aku! I love you! Uwooooppppp... uwoooooppppp buat Mexican wave.

Buai laju laju, sampai pokok sena...
Apa dalam baju... tak rock laa pakai baju time menyanyi....
Wahahahaha.....

to be continued...



Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Pangkah rumah Kasim Baba


Suatu hari tu...

(Sari berita penting channel 103)
Kak Dah K.K. (bukan Kementerian Kesihatan, bukan juga K*t# K#r@s atau K*ngk#k K$@t) berkata, "Negara rugi jika tak guna tenaga wanita."

Aku, "Mak nak ke mana pagi-pagi minggu ni?"
Mak, "Biasalah dah dekat-dekat hari nak memangkah ni. Kenalah survey cari rumah Kasim Baba. Kenalah banci rumah-rumah yang bercat biru tua."

Kesian mak aku. Dah umur 59 tahun pun kena pergi buat banci pagi-pagi minggu. Sepatutnya mak aku goreng nasi pagi-pagi minggu. Kesian bapak aku. Kesian aku.

Mana perginya puteri-puteri pink yang buahnya masih montok, masih pejal? Yang masih bergetah? Yang susunya mengalir laju?

Mana perginya hero-hero bersongkok hitam? Masih mengasah keris, diasap-asap dan dicium-cium? Asah keris kontot sudah laa... atau mungkin diorang sibuk duduk sebelah 'menteri goyang gerudi' itu, memakai songkok tapi tak berkeris, menjawab soalan-soalan wartawan.

Kesian mak aku.

Bapak, "Ehh apsal kau tukar channel 512?"
Aku, "Kesian kat bapak. Takde orang nak goreng nasi untuk bapak di pagi-pagi minggu ni..."

Boleh ke nak tolak kereta rosak?
Sedangkan selama ini signal kiri dan kanan pun tak kenal.
Hood kereta pun dibuka sekali setiap 5,000km sahaja. Itupun Ah Chai atau Ah Chong yang tolong buka.

Boleh ke nak tolak kereta rosak?
Sedangkan selama ini hanya kenal hon kereta dan cermin pandang belakang (touchup sikit).
Hanya tempat penutup minyak yang sering dibuka, itupun nasib bukan Maududur Rahman atau Ghulam yang tolong bukakan.

Kesian mak aku.
Silap pangkah, terpangkah jamban. Bau taik satu badan.

Aku, "Tak payah banci-banci, pangkah-pangkahlah Mak. Pangkah-pangkah ni sifat penyamun. Kalau diorang nak pangkah rumah sendiri, biarlah diorang pangkah. Kalau diorang nak cat rumah diorang biru muda atau hijau tua, biarlah. Kita bukan penyamun. Penyamun bau taik!"

Bapak, "Jom lah pekena roti canai..." berkopiah putih.

Coming soon: The Best of Mak



Monday, January 28, 2008

MYOB I


It's Monday, 5.47pm.
(note: official working hours is 8.30am to 5.30pm)
The office is in mess.
No sign of going home yet.
No one seems to care that it's almost dark outside.
No one seems to be thinking of the loved ones at home.
huhuhuhuh....


Sweeney Todd, Gabriel Toad


It was a double-double movie Friday. Both movies are rated 18PL.


Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.
Winner of the Golden Globe Best Movie (Musical or Comedy) and Best Actor awards.

Johnny Depp stars as Benjamin Barker aka Sweeney Todd, a barber falsely imprisoned by Judge Turpin. After leaving prison, he comes back to Victorian London to find his wife poisoned and his daughter held captive. As he plots his revenge, Sweeney joins forces with Mrs. Lovett, and while he preys on clients asking for a shave, his new partner turns the bodies into baked goods. But the judge still lives, and the razor-wielding madman wants his vengeance.

Very nice horror movie with a different approach, it's musical. Yupp, musical... and Johnny Depp sings too! Lots of throat slitting and blood spurting scenes, which you might just want to peep through your fingers. But, there are some light and funny moments, too, which you'd break into laughter.

My rating: 7/10 - a must for Johnny Depp fans and those who like to watch musicals, the songs are great! "I can guarantee the closest shave you'll ever know."


Gabriel: What the f*ck I was thinking last Friday night by watching this movie?

The movie reveals the battle between good and evil and the fight for the human soul. Set in purgatory, there is a struggle between Arc and Fallen angels for control over the city and its population of re-born souls. At present, darkness rules and Gabriel, the last of seven Arcs sent to return light, must assume a human form for the first time. In the darkest places of the human soul, this lone arc angel's battle with his human feelings and emotions will prove as perilous as facing the Fallen.

Boring! Hair wire storyline, jump everywhere, here and there. Bad and lacklustre fighting scenes, ugly actresses - your ugly ex-girlfriend is prettier, trust me! Unknown actors and actresses. Worst of all, the quality of the film/picture - it's like watching a pirated VCD on a 64" plasma tv. But save for the nice colored contact lenses the actors are wearing, cool!

My rating: 1/10 - A must if you haven't been sleeping in the cinema for a while or if you want to take some 2 1/2-hour break after been dragged to every corner of the shopping mall (without anything to buy in mind) by your girlfriend, in addition to driving through the traffic jam on your way to pick her up and going to the cinema, then looking/scrambling for parking, and before going through the traffic jam again, on your way to send her home and back to your place... ehh apa aku melalut ni... hahahaha...



Sunday, January 27, 2008

Jin who? Jinbaragas...


Semua orang dah tahu...
Estranged rocks!

Phewwwww....
Aku dah berjanji, if Jinbara win anything tonight...
I'll boycott next year's AJL.
Hahahaha....

Nasib baik!
Jin dah terbarai.
Jinbara dah jadi jinbaragas...
Hahahaha....

Favorite aku...
Menang juga, best vocal!

Kepada peminat-peminat "Sperm Man" (bak kata Jingga Studies),
Sila bukak seluar pulak tahun depan
Sila cuba lagi tahun depan.

...kau terindah, masih ada, yang tercantik... itu aku kamu.

Ini lagu siulan Mas Adi waktu kitorang lepak kat Bandung
Lagu ni juga, Om Hidayat mati-mati kata lagu Indo... hampess!



Saturday, January 26, 2008

CeriteraLah cinta


Kalau tugas juri diberikan kepada aku.
Kalau keputusan di tangan aku.
Kalau aku yang tentukan siapa Juara Lagu.

Anugerah Juara Lagu 22 jatuh (jatuh ye, bukan sliding ke hujung pentas) kepada...

Pencipta Ross Ariffin
Penulis lirik Habsah Hassan
Penyanyi Jaclyn Victor dan Lah

CERITERA CINTA

Aku tak pernah dengar lagu ni sebelum ni. Pertama kali aku dengar sewaktu separuh akhir AJL kategori balada. Mungkin sebelum ni, lagu ni tak berapa mengancam dengan Rio Fabian sebagai penyanyi lelaki asal.

Ini hanyalah ramalan aku. (kalau ramalan aku betul, boleh aku bangga dengan korang. Baru aku boleh cakap, "kan aku dah cakapppppp..." hahahaha)

Kepada korang yang support kumpulan rock kapak bengong dan tahyul Jinbara tu, insaflah, bertaubatlah. Dah jauh menyimpang korang dari jalan rock. Itu bukan rock tu. Itu korock. Dengar sampai mengorock. Nasib baik Jinbara perform mula sekali, boleh aku berak lama sikit lepas makan malam.

Korang ramal siapa Juara?
Nak jugak aku tau...
Tapi kalau korang ramal Jinbara, jangan nak mengotorkan comment box aku... hahahhaah....


Friday, January 25, 2008

6" pun cukup...


Aku simpan duit. Untuk hari tua. Dalam tabung tu. Francisca Peters kata, 'Kerna Terpaksa." Tapi, aku tetap berharap. Berharap agar boleh dapat 6! Orang kita kata, dapat 6 inci pun cukuplah, dah puas dah tu...

Satu hari tu. Kak Eton kata, "Aku boleh bagi kau lebih dari 6. Aku berani jamin!"

Aku skeptikal. Kak Eton ni tak siuman ke apa? Boleh ke nak bagi lebih? Nak bayar upah dia lagi, bayaran iklan lagi? Yang satu itu tak payah susah-susah gajikan wakil jualan macam Kak Eton. Duduk gesel-gesel dan garu-garu telor kat ofis sekalipun. Tiap-tiap bulan minimum 20% masyuuukkk. Setiap seorang yang berpendapatan. Berpendapat sahaja tak cukup. Macam bulan jatuh ke riba. Macam tahi jatuh *plop* ke dalam mangkuk tandas. Mat Rempit yang pergi Kutub Utara pun boleh jadi CEO, tak payah yang berkelulusan Oxbridge pun boleh.

Aku kata pada Kak Eton, "Mana ada yang lebih bagus daripada yang satu itu?! Yang satu itulah yang diwajibkan. Yang satu itulah yang diluluskan lama dahulu. Yang satu itulah yang diamalkan turun temurun. Mestilah yang satu itu yang terbaik. Pasaran kita pun yang terbaik. Satu Asia, yang mata sepet, yang mata bontang tengok pasaran kita. Orang lain turun, kendur. Kita punya tegak je, menegang je... Orang Asia lain pelik, apa rahsia orang Bukit Kewangan?"

Kak Eton tak cakap apa.

Kelmarin. A day before yesterday. Dey! Yennadey?!

Aku ingatkan ini logo parti politik baru. Rupanya satu rekod baru. Orang kita memang suka cipta rekod. Nanti senang dapat Datuk.

Tepuk! tepuk! tepuk!

Bukan pada bahu, tapi pada dahi! Pelik. Macam mana Kak Eton boleh bagi lebih dari 6? Nak bayar upah Kak Eton lagi, bayaran iklan lagi?" Siang nanti mesti Kak Eton akan telefon aku seraya mengilai, "Itu laa.. kau tak unit trust aku! Ini Kak Eton laa... lembah dan lurah ku lewati, ketenangan yang ku cari telah kutemui!"

Ebby Saiful dan Ogy kata, "Rela menanti walaupun parah, walau berdarah. Rela menanti walau terhalang, walaupun malang..."

Situ pecah rekod, sinun pecah kelapa, sini pecah kepala...



Thursday, January 24, 2008

Ku cari kari di kuali


Ini kisah kari. Bukan kisah kuali. Bukan juga kisah bontot macam kuali. Bukan sekali-kali kisah Islam Hadhari.

Semalam, yesterday... dey! yennadey?!!

Selangor memang cuti. KL baru diisytihar cuti. Aku pun cuti. Cuti-cuti, aku nak makan kari...

Ramai yang pecah kelapa. Ramai juga yang pecah kepala. Jalan ditutup di sini-sana. Anak-anak, awek-awek sibuk mengajak ke mana-mana...

Mana lagi nak ku cari. Kari yang enak, melekat bau di jari-jemari. Gerai Mak Jah terus ku tujui. Sedapnya kari, macam masakan ibu sendiri...

Ini aku buat promosi. Gerai Mak Jah senang nak dicari. Depan Dewan MBSA Seksyen 27, Shah Alam jumpalah nanti. Menjadi tumpuan di tengahari...

Gerai Mak Jah dah macam gerai rasmi aku. Setiap hari di sana pun aku tak jemu. Tapi, kalau BPR tengok, mesti diorang syak ada salahlaku. Mesti diorang ingat aku makan free je tu...


Situ juga tempat aku bertemu. Dengan kawan-kawan lama yang ku rindu. Macam-macam cerita hingga lidah terkelu. Bonus eksekutif 1/2 bulan, bukan eksekutif 1 bulan, walaupun dalam berita kata kereta baru terjual laku beribu-ribu...

Kesian kawan-kawan aku. Diorang tak pergi bercuti walaupun ke Kepulauan Maluku. Makan di Mak Jah aku yang bayarkan, itu selalu. Jadi, siapakah yang BPR siasat itu?

Sungguh jahat orang yang disiasat BPR yang bukan kawan-kawan aku. Patutlah tak hairan bonus hanya sekelumit itu. Setiap bulan masyuuk berpuluh-puluh, beratus-ratus ribu. Tak halal lah anak-anak diorang punya susu... (ehhh bukan ke itu lembu punya susu?)


(baca berita penuh di sini)




Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Cool-oop clock


If you want your clock at your taskbar looks something like this...

Go to...
Start
Control Panel
Regional and Language Options
Regional Options tab
Customize
Time tab
...and change AM symbol and/or PM symbol to whatever cool name (if your name isn't cool enough) you like.

But think again (again and again) if you're thinking of changing it to your ex-boyfriend's or ex-girlfriend's name. Once you changed the setting, your time in email, calendar, etc etc will look like the image below... and the curse of your ex won't let you reset the setting... hahahaha


Scary huh?!
But it still COOL!!!


==
Banyaknya email aku tak terbaca... heheheh especially those forwarded by someone who got forwarded by someone... wahahahah



Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Garis panduan kejambuan


This is a tribute to my brother, silent blog reader aka NSE exit 135 and a housemate for 1 1/2 month, whom we could talk the same thing every night on and on and on for 1 1/2 month. Most of the time, jambu was the center of our discussion, and sometimes it lead to harsh arguments. :-)

In the wake of the recent misconduct of a male singer while performing at a live concert organized by a private tv station, the Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission (MCMC) has imposed a three-month ban on the singer from appearing live on private tv stations.

On top of the ban, MCMC has came out with a new guideline for all performing artists on code of conducts, dress code and ethics while performing in public places. Here's one of the dos and don'ts....


Bro, lu memang fan Faizal Tahir sejak dulu lagi ke? Sejak dia belum glamer lagi ke, bro? Kampung lu satu exit dengan dia ke, bro? Wahahahahah....

Mesti aku kena middle f*ng#r dengan kau nih...


Cool bro, cool!! Lu memang jambu! Wa memang lu punya fan... sliding sikit... uwooooppppp.... uwooooopppppp... (mexican wave nih).... wahahahaha...


==
Back in 1993, I stopped dreaming (dream ke?) of becoming a lawyer by accepting an offer to further my studies in Economics in US, instead of accepting an offer from a local university to do Law.

This friend of mine, who had been dreaming all his life to become a doctor (all your life or just after you started learning human reproduction system in your Biology class, bro?) turned down an offer to do Engineering degree abroad, can't remember whether it was in UK or in US. Instead, he continued with his matriculation locally before somehow managed to further his studies abroad and graduated as an M.D. Now, he is a Pediatric Doctor in one of the local hospitals.

For your determination and perseverance, I salute you, bro!

*bro, kalau ada facts or terms yang salah, please correct me... grammar tak payah laa.. hahahaha



Monday, January 21, 2008

Superkebajikanman


When: Januari 2002.
Where: MRR2, berdekatan Zoo Negara
Who: Nasir dan aku, dua orang finalist 'The Most Eligible Bachelor' di tempat kerja lama aku (jika wujud benda seumpama itu di tempat kerja lama aku laa...)
What: Bertendang, lari dari kebosanan Shah Alam.

Aku dan Nasir, tiada haluan. Yang pasti, kita kena ke mana-mana. Mesti keluar dari Shah Alam. Baru hujung minggu ada ertinya. "Hari panas ni, kita buat kebajikan nak?" aku. "Boleh juga, tambah pahala," dia.

Terus, Gombak ditujui. Batu berapa tak ingat, yang pasti di tepi tembok tinggi Lebuhraya Karak. Kami berlenggeng, tinggal seluar mandi tanpa baju. Bare chest, without a single hair and fur. Dada telanjang, tanpa sehelai bulu dan seutas benang.

"Kau kata nak buat kebajikan?" dia. "Aku tengah berusaha lah ni. Tengah tunggu ni. Kan aku dah bukak baju ni?" aku. Puas kami berendam, sampai kecut-mecut, tiada juga sesiapa perintah kami buat kebajikan.

Dia, "aku tahu kenapa kau tak dapat lagi perintah buat kebajikan? Sebab kau tak lukis S kat dada kau yang un-bulus tu." Aku, "kalau aku lukis S di dada aku pun, 8TV* belum wujud lagi, habis siapa yang nak keluarkan perintah buat kebajikan?"

"Ye tak ye," dia. "Jom blah," aku.


==
Nasir, one of my bestest friend, is now in Kedah helping out his FIL's business. All the best, bro! I didn't take his pictures as he used up all the 4 remaining films to take the same picture of me in the same position and same pose!

Syarikat televisyen 8TV mengenakan hukuman khidmat komuniti selama enam bulan ke atas Faizal Tahir dan menahan wang royalti serta wang daripada hasil nyanyiannya untuk sementara waktu berikutan tindakannya menanggalkan pakaian ketika menjayakan konsert ulangtahun keempat stesen televisyen berkenaan. Suruhanjaya Komunikasi dan Multimedia turut tidak membenarkan 8TV membuat siaran langsung dan tertunda bagi konsert dan semua rancangan hiburan untuk tempoh tiga bulan bermula 15 Januari 2008. SKMM juga menggantung penyanyi terbabit daripada mengadakan persembahan secara langsung di stesen TV swasta lain juga selama tiga bulan mulai tarikh yang sama.

*8TV ditubuhkan oleh Metropolitan TV pada 8 Januari 2004.



Sunday, January 20, 2008

Today is RED day


It's Sunday dan aku malas blog. Sebab bukan ada orang nak baca pun hari-hari MERAH macam ni. Tapi kenapa dalam kalendar kuda, hari AHAD tu warnanya MERAH? Hari cuti bukankah hari untuk berehat, tenangkan fikiran. MERAH kan tanda marah, tanda garang? Bukankah BIRU itu menenangkan fikiran? Bukankah hari cuti untuk tidur juga? Bukankah BIRU itu juga melambangkan tidur? Ehh, kenapa pula? Sebab pemimpin parti BIRU itu suka tidur!

Jadi, kenapa AHAD bukan BIRU? Kan lebih tenang? Lebih cool... Lebih kuat tidurnya pemimpin parti BIRU itu...

Atau kalendar kuda ni ada kena mengena dengan orang perempuan bercuti ke? MERAHHHH je...



Saturday, January 19, 2008

Lick your boot, toad


Those who work in company which closes its book on 31st December, this would be one of the crucial time in their career. It's appraisal time.

More often these days, we hear people doing all things they could, in this one month of the year to offset what they did (usually bad or not so good things) in the previous eleven months of the year. This includes treating their bosses for lunch or karaoke, stay back late in office even if it means staring at the blank computer screen, etc etc etc.

Found this article in "Mind Your English" (The Star), which I think the question was timely brought up in the appraisal season, or shall I call it 'the bootlicking season"?

Q: What do we call someone who's a pengampu (Bahasa Malaysia) in English?

A: You can call such a person a "flatterer", but if you want to be more colorful and say that the flattery is insincere, you can use "toady" or "sycophant" which are defined as "a person who praises and is artificially pleasant to people in authority, usually in order to get some advantage from them. More informally, such a person can be called a "bootlicker".

"Have a great LICKING weekend!"
"Have a great weekend, LICKING!"
"Have a LICKING great weekend!"



Friday, January 18, 2008

Pegangan berani-Rani


Cerita tentang down, down ni...

Aku teringat dulu waktu tunggu results SPM, aku kerja di sebuah pusat membeli, lepas bayar belah. Aku teringat si Rani, perempuan India, boleh tahan lawa (bukan versi Tok Rimau*). Dia ni supervisor aku atau nama komersilnya, Buyer, di Gents' Department. Dia memang selalu sibuk, buat paperworks ke check stock ke aku pun tak tau. Aku dengan Ah Leong kerja shift siang, sibuk juga. Sibuk lipat kain, baju-baju yang pelanggan-pelanggan sepah-sepahkan.

Paling aku tak suka, lipat seluar dalam yang dah disepah-sepahkan, lipat elok-elok, cantik-cantik nak masukkan ke dalam kotaknya semula. Ada juga pelanggan yang buka kotak seluar dalam, di 'mix and match'kan dengan seluar dalam kotak yang lain untuk dapatkan combination warna-warna seluar dalam kesukaan dia.

Aku selalu berdoa supaya saiz seluar dalam yang dia dapat tu pun 'mix and match', sehelai S, sehelai XL, sehelai XXL. Bila dia datang nak tukar, aku akan cakap dengan riaknya, "Underwear cannot change, cannot return!" Tapi tak pernah pun sesiapa datang tukar saiz seluar dalam. Hmmm...

Okay, sambung cerita Rani tadi...
Selalu jugak dia dapat phone calls. Pantang berdering je telefon, aku dengan Ah Leong akan bergeragaslah jawab. Selalunya, dialog kami, "You hold on. Rani!!! Call for you..." dan bergeragas jugalah Rani datang menjawab phone call tu.

Suatu hari...
Secara ketidakbiasaannya, Rani duduk dekat dengan telefon. Aku dengan Ah Leong ada juga dekat-dekat situ. Telefon berdering. Dengan mesranya, Rani menjawab, "Hellooo... Rani speaking. (senyap 2 saat). You HOLD DOWN, please... Ah Leong, for you..."

Ah Leong tengok aku, dia senyum. Aku tengok Rani, aku sengeh. Ah Leong tanya, "Rani, lu suruh dia pegang apa?" .


Auuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwww, berbintat lengan aku, bukannya Ah Leong. Dicubit Rani.


Itu cerita cubit-cubitan sewaktu kerja part time, belum lagi cerita aku part time sewaktu kerja senggol-senggolan...



==
* Tok Rimau kata: Biasanya bila jumpa soalan ini (cun atau tidak?), empunya cerita akan jawab "Boleh Tahan." Maksudnya tidak lawalah tu. Orang Melayu memang cakap berlapis. Tidak jujur. Kalau lawa dia akan kata, "Tak boleh tahan." (Ayah Kita Bos, ms 35)


Thursday, January 17, 2008

8 random facts


about me...

I'm tagged by Lord Budak who was tagged by Ima. I'm okay with this tagging thing but answering an open-ended questions/tag is just so not right! Gosh! Okay, I've done something similar to this one before.

Check it here...

That's six, you tell me the other two...
Those who've known me long enough, should've no problem in doing so...
How's that?!

And I'm not tagging anyone else with this tag. Sorry all hopefuls, but you can always volunteer to do it. Hehehe....



Aku nak tutup blog


Semalam, aku down gila... bukan mereng, down macam world's closing in on me. Macam dah takde masa depan. Macam tak ke mana dah aku ni. Memang boring! Aku tengok blog aku pun macam takde nafsu, macam takde faedahnya, macam nak privatekan je, macam nak tutup je...

Aku nak tutup blog lah, yang aku fikirkan mula-mula.

Nasib baik secretary ex-boss aku datang makan tengahari sama-sama. Tengok dia, up sikit aku jadinya, emotionally, mentally (and physically?!). Masuk ofis semula, segala yang up, jadi down balik, kendur, lembek... sampai aku keluar... dari ofis lah... ingat keluar apa? lembek mana boleh keluar?

Macam minggu lepas, aku tension dengan traffic jam yang tak senonoh tu. Sampai di rumah, aku check mailbox aku, ada viagra pengubat duka dalam mailbox aku, blook "You Want A Gum, Sol-Jah?" by Sinaganaga.

Semalam pulak, aku tension dengan tahapaapatah. Sampai di rumah, aku check mailbox aku, ada viagra pengubat duka dalam mailbox aku. Bukan satu, tapi dua... baru balance, sebijik kanan sebijik kiri. Aku dapat apa yang aku pesan, "Ayah Kita Bos" by Tok Rimau dan Sinaganaga dengan "Jongkang Jongket" by Mat Jan . Yihaaaaaaa!!!

Aku fikir, "wahhhh... tak tidur aku malam ni, pekena dua bijik viagra!" Terjongket-jongket sofa aku bila kesan viagra meresap dalam badan aku. Mengongkek-ngongkek Mengekek-ngekek aku ketawa. Hilang down aku!

Kalau korang tanya aku, best tak blook-blook yang kau baru dapat tu? Aku akan jawab, "Tak boleh tahannnn.... macam perempuan lawa!" (ms. 35, Ayah Kita Bos)

Aku tak jadi nak tutup blog lah, yang aku fikirkan semula.

Nak pinjam?! Eeeee... kalau awek korang lawa atau balak korang hensem, korang nak share-share ke dengan orang lain? Kalau korang hensem atau korang lawa, korang nak ke awek atau balak korang share-share korang dengan orang lain? Hehehehe...

Aku nak tutup blog lah, yang aku fikirkan pula.

Sebab, Tok Rimau punya teori, "Orang lawa atau hensem tidak berblog sebab mereka sudah dapat cukup perhatian di alam nyata!"

Ngiehngiehngieh...


==
Untuk bekalan awek cun atau balak hensem, sila dapatkan di
sini dan di sini. Sementara stok masih ada. Selling fast! Buy one, free DVD "The Making of DVD Menteri!"



Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bad, bed, who's bad-der?


Hari ni, badan aku sakit-sakit. Macam nak putus urat-urat kentut aku ni. Muscles aku macam terabak-rabak kena koyak. Kelengkang aku ni macam diregang-regang. Ada juga otot aku yang tegang-tegang, tapi tegang pun bila dah sampai di rumah laa.. hehehehe

Dah lama aku tak buat benda ni...

Sampai berlari-lari aku dibuatnya. Sampai terlompat-lompat aku dibuatnya. Sampai terhenjut-henjut aku dibuatnya. Sampai tertonggek-tonggek aku dibuatnya...

Semalam, banyak air yang keluar. Meleleh-leleh, menitik-nitik...

Tapi aku suka, walaupun dah lama aku tak buat. Minggu depan, aku nak buat lagi. Lebih rigorous, lebih vigorous dan lebih rakus lagi. Mesti dah tak sakit lagi...

Memang jahat permainan badminton ni....

Teman sepermainan aku kata, aku kena banyak buat latihan pergerakan ponggong, nak ambil drop shots. Aku nak kena banyak tengok DVD senamrobek itu, yang itu tu... yang banyak pergerakan ponggong tu...


______________________

Cerita pasal kesihatan ni...
Dulu-dulu, pil-pil yang dibekalkan di hospital atau klinik kerajaan seperti paracetamol, ada printed 'K.K.' pada permukaan ubat itu. Sekarang, sudah tiada lagi, agaknya. Kalau sekarang masih ada lagi, mesti Kementerian Kesihatan (K.K.) cadangkan untuk diEnglishkan jadi M.O.H.

Lepas keluar DVD itu, yang itu tu... K.K. membawa banyak maknanya. K.K. boleh jadi K*t# K#r@s. K.K. juga boleh jadi K*ngk#k K$@t.

Memang jahat lagi permainan bedwithministerton itu...


==
@ = a ; # = e ; * = o ; $ = u


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Almost died... by meat


Had dinner in Tony Roma's The Curve last Tuesday with colleagues and went home swearing that I'd not have anymore meat for the next how many weeks... duhh...

We had onion loaf, red hot buffalo wings (can buffaloes fly?!) and Tony's asian salads for appetizers. Then, it's showtime... we were recommended to try Tony Roma's world famous Bountiful Beef Ribs. And for the dessert, owh.. we didn't have any dessert, we were too fool full !

They were the best ribs I've ever tried!

If you're looking for a really nice meat-dinner, better still if you haven't had meat for your dinner or 'meat' for your 'midnight dinner' for a long time, head to Tony Roma's, where erection lasts... hahahah..

This is what I had that night.

(I totally forgotten to take pre-dinner pictures, what's left were the ribs well-done!)

Don't worry if you're thinking of bringing along Indian friends, Tony Roma's also serve chicken and seafood unless your Indian friends are Indian Hadhari, who don't mind to eat beef.



Monday, January 14, 2008

Monday bulues. Armagoddeng.


Aku bangun awal hari ni, pagi Isnin. Sebab aku nak tengok 2nd half basketball match between Oregon Ducks and Stanford Cardinals live on CBS. Seperti ketidakbiasaannya, aku sempat sarapan pagi di rumah. Seperti kebiasaannya, hanya dengan tiga keping roti dan secawan kopi o. Lepas basketball game habis, aku pun dah bersiap semua nak ke pejabat, cuma nak off kan notebook aku saja.

Perut aku pulak sakit, tapi sikit-sikit je. Aku fikir, sempat lagi nak melampiaskan kat office ni. hahahah... tapi aku berfikir juga (memang aku ni born a thinker laa... kekekeke), now or later? now or never? now and forever? "NOW! That's what I call music volume 3 lah," bisik hati kecil aku walaupun aku akan rugi at least 5 minit to undress, 'do it' and redress. Laju ke? Aku pakai speed dial tu... Hati kecil aku kata lagi, "ada hikmah tu walaupun rugi 5 minit."

True enough, seperti ketidakbiasaannya, lebih kurang 300 meter dari tol Batu 3 di Federal Highway, dah mula jem.


Bila jem macam ni, mulalah aku teringat-ingat filem-filem Hollywood, bila orang berasak-asak nak keluar dari daerah akibat kena attack dengan virus ke, dengan asteroid ke, dengan dinosaur ke. Mulalah aku terfikir dinosaur tu menyerupai Menteri Kerja Raya kita... baru je aku nak fire dinosaurvellu itu, laporan trafik kata ada lori pasir terbalik, merentang jalan. Hmm... orang Malaysia ni, hantar anak ke sekolah pun naik lori pasir ke?

Tersedar aku dari lamunan. Aku pun terfikir, betul kata hati kecil aku tadi. Nasib aku dah 'just do it'. Kalau aku 'now or later' tadi, mesti, aku terkemut-kemut sepanjang 17km perjalanan di kelajuan purata 5.6km/jam. Dah le aku memang tak terfikir nak spare bekas polystyrene....

Eeeeeee.....


Dah, aku nak gi lunch.


snoitseuq 73 efilnikcufecinostoN


Clue: Read the title from right to left.

Got tagged by
Jingga Studies.
I've seen these questions from other blogs before and prayed hard I'd not get tagged by anyone. But as soon as I saw this entry in Jingga Studies and judging by the blogroll in his blog, I somehow know that I'll be one of the five persons to be tagged by him. True enough!

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night? The guy in Raja Lawak, he was saying, "Terima kasih kepada mak, bapak, kawan-kawan, mak, bapak, kawan-kawan, all together now..." with a serious look on his face.

2. What were you doing at 0800? Was waiting for someone to open the door to my floor. Went jogging downstairs and left my access card at home.

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Finishing ironing one-week of office attire, while this Keluarga 69 movie playing on tv.

4. What happened to you in 2006? Met lots of new friends, especially reban taggers, new colleagues, finished off my 7-year car loan, other than work work and work.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud? "Bang, shorts ni berapa ringgit? Takde price tag."

6. How many beverages did you have today? 1 cup of black coffee, 1 glass of tea, 1 glass of orange juice, 2 glasses of plain water. Still not enough, kan?

7. What color is your hairbrush? One red and one brown although most of the times, I only use my fingers to do the combing.

8. What was the last thing you paid for? A dozen of Wilson shuttlecock. We may start playing badminton afterwork on Tuesday.

9. Where were you last night? Was in Giant Shah Alam then to Subang Section 15 then to Sunway Pyramid to watch American Gangster.

10. What color is your front door? Light yellow, it's the standard color for everyone. I prefer light blue.

11. Where do you keep your change? In my car and on the dining table.

12. What's the weather like today? Dark clouds but didn't rain.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? Vanilla. And I have aiskrim potong kacang merah in the fridge now.

14. What excites you? Emails! at this moment of time... what else? Money! Freebies, gifts! wahahah...

15. Do you want to cut your hair? Not until end of the month, that's 2 month since the last cut.

16. Are you over the age of 25? Yupp... I'm the youngest among the 30s.

17. Do you talk a lot? Hehehehe... only to those I've known for a while. But, not at all at home as I don't talk to tv or sofa or bed or dishes or.... hahahah (does blogging can be considered as talking?)

18. Do you watch the O.C.? WTF is O.C.? Opera Cina?!

19. Do you know anyone named Steven? Steven, a neighbour when I lived in Kampar. Not much things happened between us, though, as we have different group of friends. But I remember him having belly at such a young age (and ponggong dia tonggek... kekekeke)

20. Do you make up your own words? Not really, I always use the standard ones, including swear words like... do you need examples?

21. Are you a jealous person? :-D pass...

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’. Arifin, since I'm going to tag him. hahahah...

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’. Kamal, he's my colleague at my previous workplace. At times, he'd call to order Rooibos tea from me.

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list? Delinn. aiyooo... kena speku lagi lah ni dengan abang rambut ketak...

25. What does the last text message you received say? "Wokeh. TQ!" <-- what do you expect, it's Short Messaging System but it's still better than "k tq"

26. Do you chew on your straw? Hahaha yes... while waiting for the rest to finish smoking, it's better than twisting my hair, kan?

27. Do you have curly hair? Atas NO, bawah emm emmm *blush*

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to? A new workplace in Nusajaya, Johor. Otherwise, Pulau Perhentian for a mid-year break.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life? I don't give a damn to remember any. Wasting my memory space. hahahaha...

30. What was the last thing you ate? Gardenia oatmeal raisin bread.

31. Will you get married in the future? Define future...

32.What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks? Enchanted, I Am Legend and The Heartbreak Kid.

33. Is there anyone you like right now? The question should be "is there anyone you don't like right now?" ahh... I have the answer for that. private me for answer. hehehe...

34. When was the last time you did the dishes? This afternoon.

35. Are you currently depressed? NO

36. Did you cry today? NO. Why would I? But I made someone cried, how's that? Private me to know who. hehehehe...

37. Why did you answer and post this? Hahaha... why are you reading this? Maybe to give you something to read.

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey.
joq, ombak hijau, meg, sity29 sebab dia ni dah lama sangat tak update nih and lord budak.



Sunday, January 13, 2008

Curse of the prosperous gangster


My movie night is almost always Friday night. (Jumaat malam, not malam Jumaat. I know what better thing to do on malam Jumaat but I'm talking about Jumaat malam here) This time around, I choose Saturday midnight show to watch American Gangster.

Call it the curse of changing movie night or what, I had at least seven mishaps happened to me on my abnormally Saturday movie night.

Curse 1: It started with having to watch 'la miserable' face of that prime minister talking seriously, not sleepily, about the missing child in the 8pm news.

Curse 2: Have to call off the plan to have a prosperous dinner cum lunch cum tea at Subang Section 15's McDonald's as the restaurant was packed with people and the queue for drive-thru was like people queueing for the famous rojak/cendol nearby .

Curse 3: Wanted to try the other outlet nearby. Restaurant looks empty from the outside but the nearest parking available was some 1km away.

Curse 4: The thought of going straight to Sunway Pyramid and collect my booking first, and have dinner later was not as easy as it was thought to be. I was stucked while trying to get out from the area, where people double parked and were slowing down and stopping their cars in the middle of the streets while looking for vacant parking spot around the eateries there.

Curse 5: Collected my movie ticket and went to McDonald's. Ordered the prosperous meal and found out that the tray where they put my meals on was not clean, it was sticky (probably some ketchup or chili sauce) on the handle. Requested to change the tray, which the server girl did, but not before giving an annoying look at me.

Curse 6: While she was transfering my meals to the new tray, she was picking up my spilled curly fries on the old tray to the new tray using her fingers, her barely fingers, no glove but whatever shit on her hand! Requested her to replace the fries, which the server girl did, but not before giving an annoying look at me.

Curse 7: Ketchup was out and had to walk across the restaurant to another ketchup dispenser.

Ok, it all ended there and this gangster was having his properous meal happily and prosperously...

Apa barang gangster makan prosperity burger?!


The movie...
It was good. It's about the story of an American black mafia who made his fortune as drug kingpin around suburb Harlem area. Lots of talking... gentlemen talks, lots of shootings, not much actions, i.e. car chase or explosions or stunts, and some topless women scenes, seriously!

It was good, really! but I don't want to promote this movie too much as I know some will not like it, unlike the 'everyone-will-love-it' I Am Legend. Those who really like and really promoted the movie Enchanted to others, will definitely not like this movie. :-p

It's another typical mafia-movie. So, if you like those type of movies, go watch it, My Man!



Saturday, January 12, 2008

Ceritera settle-downing maal hijrah


This entry is coded and classified ORANGE for MMD*

On Wednesday night, I luckily arrived home, safely and with mind still sound after 148 minutes on road, that's 8.7km/hour in average. Only sane people could survive that without much qualm. But, I would not let the works of the ugly Ministry of Works spoil my new Hijrah year.

I checked my mailbox and to my surprise...
It has arrived!! It's the blook, "You Want A Gum, Sol-Jah?" by SINAGANAGA

I ordered and paid this book on Monday and received it two days later. Super efficient, don't you think so? And I don't have to pay toll and parking fees!!

Love reading these entries:
1. Kelip-kelip kusangkakan api - my comment: bling bling, blueing, blueing...
2. Aduh Saliha - my comment: "kau biarkan aku sendiri menderita siksa...", ohh mama saya mahu kahwin! tak mau sendiri lagi, tak mau tersiksa lagi...
3. Melipat origami - my comment: keh keh keh... roket kertas boleh? lagi laju dari sampan!
4. Diari motosikal - my comment: peribahasa baru - seperti meludah ke visor helmet... hahahah
5. Tapak sulaiman - my comment: starfish juice satu! elok untuk darah tinggi nih...

In conclusion, semua entries best, terkemput-kemput aku ketawa, keseorangan. Kesian Saliha!

You don't get what I mean?

You think I want to elaborate further? Go read it yourself.

You think I want to loan the book to you? Do you think so? Hell, NO! tamak/rakus kan aku ni? semua kontrak, tender aku nak simpan untuk aku sahaja, macam lagu Hattan "dari kekasih untuk kekasih" (dari aku untuk aku aka dari aku untuk anak dan menantu aku)

I'm not a public library. The book is darn cheap for a quality time reading it. And best of all, it's autographed by the author. How many books do you have are autographed by their authors? And the author only mentioned "DEOUGHTRED" <-- that's me and not "DEOUGHTRED and FRIENDS"... nyehh nyehh... Trust me, you're impotent if you haven't read this book. Details in Hikayat Sinaganaga Origami III



==
*MMD = Made My Day... hahahah
Aku tau mulut-mulut jahat ada yang cakap tajuk entry aku tu salah.. bukan settle-downing; tapi sepatutnya settling-down. Tapi aku punya sukalah, ini bukan bilik mak encik (sekadar nama hiasan), ini blog aku. Lagipun aku suka letak '-ing' kat hujung-hujung. Lagipun korang sebut 'korner baring' kan? Bukan 'kornering bar' kan?


Friday, January 11, 2008

Ceritera countdowning maal hijrah


This entry is coded and classified RED for RDA*?

If you ask me how I celebrated the new Hijrah year?
My answer is, I was thinking...

I was countdowning the new year last Wednesday night while driving back from office. And there was a considerably massive traffic jam along the Federal Highway. And as usual mulut-mulut takde insuran people will say things like what do you expect, it's Federal Highway, use public transport, bla bla bla...

Actually, I could still stand the congestion, even it took 100 minutes to travel 12km. I could still do my thinking process, recapping last year, thinking of long-lost friends, those who are still immature even at 22 years old, emails I've read or received or others received that talk about me in the past few days, bla bla bla... I could still think rationally.

But not until I saw this electronic signage. It was placed less than 50 metres from where the traffic flow started to improve. It's like saying, "THE FUCKING TRAFFIC JAM ENDS HERE". WTF?! I don't need to know that when I can see the traffic jam eases right in front of my eyes.


What I need is something like, "TRAFFIC JAM STARTS HERE" or "ACCIDENT NEAR XXX, USE LEFT LANE" or "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, THIS HIGHWAY SUCKS BIG TIME" or something like "PAY LESS TOLL, EAT THIS JAM".

And the signage should be visibly placed 12km back, which I could've seen it some 100 minutes ago which is equivalent to how many rounds of sex.

But that was not happening. I entered into the traffic jam, not knowing how far to go until the traffic eases, what causes the congestion or what other alternatives route should I take? And the traffic reports on local radios, they're just so not informative and suck big time.

And you know what I was thinking while countdowning the new Hijrah year?
The biggest flop in Malaysian political history is to elect Samy Vellu as the Minister of Works.

And if you want to know what's my resolution for the new Hijrah year?
A change in political climate of this country. I don't mind a total change... from faded BLUE to LIGHT BLUE and/or GREEN.

Luckily, I arrived home safely with mind still sound after 148 minutes on road, that's 8.7km/hour in average.



==
*RDA = Reader Discretion Advised, formerly known as What the Fuck? (WTF?). Dan nasib baik aku tak tunduk ikut cakap last minute sorang kawan tu nak ke Bagan Lalang. Kalau tak, mesti berbakul wattafak di malam tahun baru dia kena dengan aku sebab aku gerenti nafsu menyantap aku dah sampai tahap mandul sebab sepanjang jalan aku asyik ingat muka menteri yang tanam astroturf kat kepala tu.



Thursday, January 10, 2008

Al-fatihah


I received an sms from a familiar number...

I expected nothing much from the sms, probably just a 'hello' message or a 'Salam Maal Hijrah' wish. To my shock, the sms was an invitation to a tahlil for the sender/owner of the number. A phone call to his friend confirms the news.

Nasir, he was 26 years old.

A very nice, soft-spoken and obedient chap who also, at times, try to crack jokes which he would then smiled, embarassed that we didn't get his jokes. He was also a talented and hardworking young footballer, who at the time he was playing for Proton FC in FAM Cup, was only on loan from Perak FA where he was in its back-up squad.

After spending a year in Proton FC , he globetrottled, trying his luck playing with clubs in northern states which finally saw him playing for the last time ever for Kelab Sukan Tambun Tulang FC in Perlis.

The accident that took place which ended his life was really sad and a hard thing to swallow, especially to someone like him.

But, who are we to question God's chartered destiny for him? All we could do is to extend prayers to him and offer condolences to his families. May Allah s.w.t. have abundant mercy on him, bless his soul in eternal peace and grant him the highest level in paradise.


==
To the coaches, officials and players of the Proton FC 2005 squad, wherever you are, I miss you all.



1 Muharram 1429


Hindraf itu pengorbanan... oppss
Hijrah itu pengorbanan
Hijrah itu perjuangan
Hijrah itu persaudaraan
Hijrah membentuk perpaduan
BERSIHkan jiwa, SUCIkan hati...

Salam Maal Hijrah 1429
dan selamat bercuti!!
yiihaaaaaa.....

(bercuti untuk beramal, bukan untuk PM TIDUR)


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Minyak da-gula...




Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Kenduri tegang di pejabat


Relieving stress at workplace.
This entry is categorized and coded PINK for MERAPU (bukankah orang yang favorite color nya pink itu, kebiasaannya kuat merapu? djelinng kiri, djelinng kanan...)

To most, yesterday was the first day back in office in full erection swing. Although some were back in office last week, people were still in holiday mood last week. To me, last week, I was busy thinking "am I in the right office?" and "why I'm still in the same office?" :-) Traffic jams were everywhere yesterday, even at 8.00pm. And what could totally drain you out on your first day officially back in office? Nothing else than a 4-hour meeting in the afternoon. *sigh*

Anyway, there's this new research on wellbeing in the workplace (reported by Roger Dobson, The Times) which suggests that it only takes a few small changes to make a workplace a healthy environment. And there is increasing evidence that a happy employee is a healthy employee.

At
#10... Consider going it alone. Self-employed people had greater autonomy and less job pressure than those in big organizations. Duhh!

#9... Choose your desk wisely.


Nab a desk next to a window but away from the printer as sitting by the window was good for mood whereas printers may be bad for lungs as they release tiny particles of toner-like material into the air.

#8... Decorate your office (with right color and level of lighting). People working in white and predominantly blue-green offices had higher perceived job performance and satisfaction and better mood than those in the predominantly red office (PINK included yachs!)

#7... Let it all out. Keep an "emotion diary" (or blog?!), and use it to express your feelings.

#6... Ration email. Try turning off the instant messaging system and only checking emails twice a day. Research also found that women feel under more pressure to reply instantly than men do. (ini tak payah research pun aku tau, memang dassaarrr kan? wahahah)

#5... Buy potted plan. It reduces the risk of dry throats and stuffed-up noses, as it improves air quality or the psychological effects of a leafy environment.

#4... Move the computer screen. Make sure that the top of the screen is at your eye level. Employees who had their screens positioned just 15 degrees out of the correct position had more pain, more sick leaves and less movement of their necks.

#3... Use the stairs. People who climb the stairs rather than use the lift at work have lower cholesterol, better breathing, helathier hearts and weigh less.

#2... Go home earlier. BOSS you have to read this! Research found a link between number of hours worked and risk of increased blood pressure.

...and at
#1... Avoid office affairs. Office affairs become unhealthy when they go wrong, with increased levels of depression and a 16% drop in morale. When the romance ends, there are reports on retaliation, stalking and physical violence.

HOLD it!!
Here's another one, a BONUS one...

...and at
#bonus... Forward your ex-boyfriend's break-up email to your colleagues and everyone in your personal contacts list. And to relief more stress, ensure every recipient enjoys reading the forwarded email so that there'll no reply saying, "do you have to tell the whole world? all the best!" (ini bukan kisah benar)



Saturday, January 05, 2008

Lost of the loved one


This picture will never mean and look the same again.

Condolence to Azam, a long-time brother friend who played some parts in my introduction into and upbringing in the corporate life. Azam's beloved wife, Ky, just passed away today at 4.05pm after fighting breast cancer since May 2003. Read Azam's latest entry on Ky's condition before her passing here.

May Allah s.w.t. have abundant mercy on Ky, bless her souls in eternal peace and grant her the highest level in paradise. And may Allah bring mercy to the families who are grieving and let their loved ones be at peace with their Creator. To Allah we belong and to Allah we return.


Limbo lock, bimbo


When: 6th June 2003
What: My big boss birthday evil dia nih birthdate 0606
I was: 26 years, 6 months and 2 days old

During my prime time, when there were limbo dancing took place in any party, I never failed to queue the line taking my turn, bending my body backward and going under the stick. And most of the time, I finished among the last three survivors. And I've won some prizes, too! But I couldn't remember the prizes I won, hmmm maybe some nights with bimbos... ooppss I mean one-year subscription to Bambino magazine, anyone remember this magazine?

I just loved limbo dancing besides lap dancing. It's such a good way to break the ice, but I'm still trying to understand why it's always guys/men who take part in limbo dancing, at least in this country. Well, what other better ways to break the ice (orang kita kata pecah tanah.... hahahah). Maybe the fruit basket the ladies/girls are carrying. :-D about limbo dancing here

But, if you ask me to do it now... I can still bend my body backward but I'm afraid I'll bend it permanently, or at least along the way to the hospital.

And if you're planning to have limbo dancing at your party, limbo dancing is incomplete without this song...

Every limbo boy and girl, all around the limbo world. Gonna do the limbo rock, all around the limbo clock. Jack be limbo, Jack be quick. Jack go unda limbo stick, all around the limbo clock. Hey, let's do the limbo rock. Limbo lower now, limbo lower now, how low can you go? First you spread your limbo feet, then you move to limbo beat. Limbo ankolimboneee, bend back like a limbo tree. Jack be limbo, Jack be quick. Jack go unda limbo stick, all around the limbo clock. Hey, let's do the limbo rock. la la la la la la la la la la... Get yourself a limbo girl, give that chic a limbo whirl. There's a limbo moon above, you will fall in limbo love. Jack be limbo, Jack be quick. Jack go unda limbo stick, all around the limbo clock. Hey, let's do the limbo rock. Don't move that limbo bar! You'll be a limbo star, how low can you go?


...and make sure you invite people below 30s to your party, otherwise you'll end up having bimbo dancing, instead of limbo dancing!



Friday, January 04, 2008

Pun apa? seLiver sePoon


Memang dasar seLiver sePOONek tau RTM.
1. Aku dah beritau kaki-kaki aku suruh tengok Combat! Siap aku promote kat bawah ni...
2. Aku siap tidur dulu, set alarm, bangun cuci muka then switch on the tv. Sahur pun aku tak buat macam ni...
3. Even the newscaster for the news at 12am pun dah cakap, "Stay tune for the... (something like) American favorite series, Combat!"

Memang potong stim dan rasa macam premature ejaculation je bila tengok yang munculnya, this stupid "Hit Hong Song" program. Apa yang hit, apa yang hot nya about this stupid program I don't know.

I deserve an explanation from no less that Mydin Supermarket... ehhh silappp...
Apa nama dia? Haa... Zainudin Maidin.

Sure dia tergagap-gagap nak explain this situation kepada aku... "Pardon? Pardon? Pardon? I can't hear you! I can't hear you?" sambil menyifatkan ketidakpuashatian aku ni sebagai illegal, "No we, we are, we, this protest is illegal. We don’t want, this, the, normally…" bacalah sini

Lagi buat aku bengang kan? Aku search lah number to call in RTM. And I found this from their website.


Korang tau sape yang jawab? Security! Dia kata, "ini pondok pengawal ni, saya takde dan tak tau nombor nak disambungkan." Dasar seLiver sePOONek lagi kan? Aku nak cakap dengan Menteri, bukan dengan Sekuriti!!! Or maybe I should not just hang up but talk to the Security, mungkin sekuriti RTM lagi bijak dari menteri?!

So, moral of the story...
1. RTM not worth a single PENIS PENNY adehh memang 1 sen dah tak laku after April
2. Its minister lagi lah... like kalau campak ke tasek mana-mana, ikan pun tak lalu makan, selain boleh mengeruhkan tasek yang jernih
3. RTM boleh overturn what was told/written earlier in newspapers. Dahsyat kan? Penipu besar ni, mesti telor diorang landut.


==
Nevertheless, dah 1.10am ni aku tetap meneruskan perjuangan tunggu kot-kot Combat! muncul lepas cerita bodoh Hit Hong Song ni... aku nak tengok watak Kirby yang kawan aku cakap dia suka tu, instead of Sgt. Saunders.



Thursday, January 03, 2008

Kom apa Combat!


What: Combat! Season 1 Episode 1 - Forgotten Front (first aired on 2nd October, 1962)
When: Friday 4th January 2008, 12.30am
Where: RTM TV2 (102 on Astro)



Kenapa percaya?


Tarikh: 10 Juni 2005
Lokasi: Stadium Jugra, Banting

Walaupun aku tak pandai main bolasepak... bola sendiri aku pandailah main
Yang orang gelar kaki bangku... aku tak pernah sekolah duduk atas bangku, aku duduk atas kerusi je, tak pun duduk ramai-ramai atas tikar depan papan hijau, paling teruk pun tak duduk tapi berdiri atas kerusi
Tapi, aku pernah main bolasepak di Stadium, kat Banting sana tu... dekat dengan kampung adik-beradik Sidek, apa kena mengenanya?
Malam pulak tu... memang aku selalu main bola sendiri malam-malam
Siap lampu spotlight every corner... walaupun tak semua mentol (orang dulu-dulu sebut 'bal', bukan 'bulb') nya menyala
Siap ada 4 bayang-bayang sendiri atas padang tu... mungkin sebab bayang-bayang aku asyik marking aku tight gila, teammates aku tak pass bola kat aku pun
Siap pakai full jersey, sponsored cukup atas bawah, boot bagai, shin pad, complete lah... aku tak pakai spender malam tu sebab syarikat spender tak sponsor spender

Korang pernah ke main bolasepak kat stadium?
Korang, korang, yang pandai main bolasepak laaa...
Korang, korang, korang, yang tiap-tiap malam minggu tengok bola orang putih... bulu diorang putih jugak ke?
Korang, korang, korang, korang, yang semuanya tiba-tiba jadi Shebby Singh bila pasukan harimau kalah... aku jentik kondek kang! ehh takde kondek...
Korang, korang, korang, korang, korang, korang... pernah ke?

Aku pernah!
Dalam dvd gambar tu, aku lah yang tepi sekali belah kiri...


Tak percaya jugak?
Tanyalah orang yang jual ubat tu...

Tak percaya jugak?
Macam ni, saya letak jawatanlah...



Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Bam boom bang!


How did you end 2007?
Or how did you spend the last day of 2007?
Was it in such way that our Government, yes.. Malaysian Government, ended the 2007?


And how did you end 2006?
Somehow, I just couldn't recall how did I spend the last day of 2006, besides drop-dead drinking and flipping the limited list of songs to sing in Kajang, while waiting for the clock strikes 12am.

Therefore, I'd document how I spent my last day of 2006.
Simple but meaningful.
Plain but cheerful.

I had lunch with one of my bestest buddy, Henry, in our favorite 'ikan bakar, air kelapa' restaurant in Section 28, Shah Alam. About this eating place, while I was in Proton, we used to eat at the restaurant when it was still at the old location, at the corner of the junction to Kampung Bukit Lanchung. But then, the restaurant was torn down by MBSA and we just don't know where it was relocated. After I left Proton, I didn't have much chance to have lunch with or to see him. Not until about 15 months later, I asked him to try this rather-new restaurant for lunch, only to find our that it is our favorite restaurant, the relocated one. So, that's for lunch.

And nothing could beat meeting someone you've never met (physically) and clicked as soon as you met. That happened during dinner when bunch of reban taggers met krozz who's coming back from London (actually she was about to return to London already when we met her). Had lots of laughter and it's just great to actually meet someone whom before this you only know how her avatar looks like :-)

Tengok gambar atas ni...
1) Bersungguh-sungguh Lord Budak tayang souvenir magnet yang krozz beri, rupa-rupanya dia pegang terbalik.
2) Salah satu azam delinn untuk 2008 ialah untuk bergambar tanpa menampakkan giginya yang kuning itu.
3) Alangz sikat belah tengah dude...
4) Wajah kiahronggeng yang serius sebelum dia me'middle-finger'kan aku. Kesian aku
5) Last but not least, korang perati betul-betul magnet yang aku pegang tu. Itu magnet yang paling cantik dalam banyak-banyak magnet yang krozz bawak dan menjadi bahan kejelesan diorang.. hahahaha... thanks krozz!


Well, I don't need to document what I did every New Year day. It's always the same, sleep til noon and all out resting before going back to office the next day in full gear *sigh*

Happy 2nd day of New Year!



Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Ducks top Bulls


The Ducks (9-4) scored 28 straight points in the third quarter to snap a four-game postseason losing streak, their first bowl win since beating Colorado 38-16 in the Fiesta Bowl after the 2001 season. The Ducks also won for the first time since losing quarterback Dennis Dixon to a knee injury in November, snapping a three-game losing streak that killed their national title hopes.


The Ducks took off on Monday, setting a slew of Sun Bowl records:
• 56 points: Most scored by a team
• 4 TD passes: Justin Roper tied for most in game (Matt Moore, 2006)
• 251 rushing yards: Jonathan Stewart gets most in game
• 28 points in third quarter: Most scored in third quarter and tied for most in any quarter (second quarter by Missouri vs. Auburn in 1973)

Final Score:
South Florida Bulls 21, Oregon Ducks 56


Go Ducks!


Yang dicuci lagi menyucikan


Hajat di hati nak sambut tahun baru di Kota Singa not so down under.
Tapi, selepas khutbah Jumaat lepas yang menyelar sambutan tahun baru secara keterlaluan, termenung aku seketika.

Sehinggakan mimbar Jumaat terpaksa menyeru kepimpinan negara agar memastikan sambutan berkadar dengan status sebuah negara Islam.
Biarlah, kalau kepimpinan negara tidur waktu khutbah Jumaat, aku ambillah juga seruan itu sebagai satu azam.

Sungguhpun begitu, hati aku melonjak-lonjak juga nak menyambut tahun baru.
Mujurlah juga TV3 anjurkan konsert di perkarangan Stadium Shah Alam, ramai datang menderu-deru.
Untuk aku, berjalan kaki pun boleh, tak perlu memandu.
Jimat pula petrol sebab dah isi full tank risaukan harga petrol naik RM2.40 seliter, extra 52 sen dari harga dulu.

Hebat juga sambutan di Shah Alam!
Dapat juga menjamu mata dalam kelam.
Walaupun buah-buahan tak sesegar dan seranum di Kota Singa, yang gamaknya bisa buat aku tak tidur malam.

Yang ramai terhibur tengok konsert, yang menghibur, yang berjoget-joget, yang bersesak-sesak, yang masih dalam kereta mencari parkir, yang berbelanja beli kacang rebus, yang beli lampu lampu dipakai di kepala, di tangan, di kopek yang berpeluk-peluk geli-geli sana sini sikit-sikit, yang usung anak kecik separuh tidur, yang sarat nak terberanak, semua ada... ramainya yang kulit macam warna Presiden UMNO kita...

Harimau mati meninggalkan belang, yang kulit macam warna Presiden UMNO kita sambut tahun baru meninggalkan...


Nampak juga yang kulit macam warna Presiden MIC kita, yang berumur pun ada, masing-masing pakai tag di tengkuk. Dalam hati berkata, tak mungkin diorang ni selebriti ataupun penari atau penyanyi latar, tak mungkin juga diorang ni security. Rasa macam nak tengok apa yang ditulis di tag diorang. Lepas dah semua yang kulit macam warna Presiden UMNO kita berasak-asak balik, barulah semua yang kulit macam warna Presiden MIC kita ni ambil tempat...


Merekalah yang menyucikan...
Tapi kenapa diorang kata diorang yang kena cuci?
Entah?!

Tapi, mana perginya semua yang kulit macam warna Presiden MCA kita?
Tak main ke Shah Alam bagi mereka?
Ehhh... jangan lupa, diorang senyum sahaja...

Tiga minit bunga api dah cukup membuatkan yang kulit macam warna Presiden UMNO kita senyum kepuasan, tengkuk lenguh mendongak itu belakang cerita balik rumah isteri picitkan.

Bunga api tu semua, yang kulit macam warna Presiden MCA lah yang kaut untungnya...
Aku pun suka tengok bunga api tu... tapi tengkuk aku memang dah lama pun lenguhnya...


Habis, perlu lagi tanya apa azam tahun baru?
Tahun datang dan pergi, tak kenal-kenal juga tong biru...
Hidup saja lah di bumi ini selagi Tuhan beri waktu...



It's 2008!







HAPPY NEW YEAR
2008


Wishing you all the best and a fruitful/cornful year ahead!







==
I just scrolled down to my last entry of 2006 and noticed that we ended up both years, 2006 and 2007, with a death of two most promising Muslim leaders, Saddam Hussein in 2006 and Benazir Bhutto in 2007. May allah bless their souls in eternal peace and grant them the highest level in paradise.


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