Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Advantages Of Being A Woman

Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. Women got off the Titanic first. Nuff said!

2. Women get to flirt with men who operate a helpdesk or systems support and these gullible men always return their calls and do by the women’s bidding, with the women able to get away with it. And these gullible men are OVERLY nice to women when they destroy something of their’s by accident or on purpose, whereby they get a full refund or a brand new replacement.

3. Women's boyfriends clothes make them look freakin attractive & seductive. Guys look like complete idiots in women's clothes.

4. Women can be groupies. when Men are groupies they are stalkers.

5. Women can cry, put on a pitiful, sad 'puss-in-boots' face and get off speeding fines.

6. Women have never lusted after a cartoon character or the central male or female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis readily and willingly stop for women.

8. Men expire earlier, so women get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. Women don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. Women can hug their friends without ever wondering if the other thinks if they're gay.

12. Women can hug their friends without ever wondering if THEY'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives women a whole new lease on life.

14. It's very possible for women to live their whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. Many Women don't have to fart to amuse themselves (Ahem!).

16. If women forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. Women can congratulate their team-mates without ever touching their butt.

18. If women have a pimple, they know how to conceal it.

19. Women never have to reach down ever so often to make sure that their 'privates' are still dangling there.

20. If women are dumb, these women are easily forgiven as some people will find it cute.

21. Women don't have to memorize facts, figures or important information to fit in.

22. Women have the ability to dress themselves accordingly depending on ahem, the situation.

23. Women can talk to those of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If women marry someone 20 years younger, they're aware that they look like an idiot.

25. Women's friends won't think they're weird if they ask whether there's ahem, anything stuck in their teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve most of women's problems.

27. Women never regret piercing their ears and ahem, other parts of their anatomy.

28. Women can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. Women know which glass was theirs by the lipstick mark.

30. Women have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to stop getting lost is to ask for directions.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Learning about anthropomorphic nouns

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a...

Herd of cows,
a Flock of chickens,
a School of fish
and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is:
a Pride of lions,
a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks wand ravens),
an Exaltation of doves

and, presumably because they look so wise: a Congress of owls.

Now please bear in mind that Baboons
are loud, potentially dangerous, obnoxious, viciously aggressive and the least intelligent of all primates. And take a guess as to what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not … A Parliament!

I guess this somewhat explains the weird and sometimes unfathomable decisions that come out from Parliament…sometimes…

You just can’t make this stuff up.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

45 Life Lessons

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old of Cleveland , Ohio ..

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry..

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere..

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

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